The Economy of Illinois Politics

A great many people who know me, and know that I am not only from Illinois, but also from Chicago, have been asking me what I think about the recent disclosure and exposure of the attempt by the Honorable (I use the term loosely) Illinois Governor Blagojevich to "sell" the Senate seat left open by President-Elect Barack Obama (please hold the Polish jokes). After reading blogs and articles and columns and op-eds, and looking through a mountain of political editorial cartoons, I think I am ready to make a statement. Any condemnation is premature.

Despite the rancor and cries for damnation that have come from other (I'm certain) innocent Democrats, along with numerous calls for his resignation and threats to impeach, I have to say that the Governor makes me proud. There. I said it. He's my boy.

America is a land of traditions and traditional values. And American Illinois is a state of commerce, ingenuity, world class corn and dairy products (screw Wisconsin; damn cheeseheads) , and the Land of Lincoln (Honest Abe, you know). Chicago has grown from being a lakeside native American Indian resort and fishing hole, to the home a great and memorable fire, a head-bashing spree by corrupt police in 1968, interminable terms by Daleybots and the only river in America (I think) that not only flows backwards, but turns bright green every March, in spite of the pollutant level.

And the Governor's office, the state drivers licensing bureau, the Chicago City Council and its' Aldermen, the Farm Bureau (probably) and IDOT (or whatever it is called now, which never really finished any highway or tollway it ever started), in conjunction with the remnants of Al Capone's mafia structures...all of these have traditions to be upheld. And the greatest of these is corruption ( Think, "And the greatest of these is love"). Blagojevich was simply holding up his end of a long-standing bargain and keeping tradition alive, by trying to actually sell a Senate seat. This man understands the true role of the Governor of Illinois and has strived mightily to uphold the values entrusted to him. He done good (now you can tell a Polish joke).

However, this all raises an economic question which I had never pondered until now. Since nobody in Illinois ever buys anything, invests in anything or seeks to acquire anything that they cannot make money on, what, exactly does one want with a Senate seat? It is obvious now, since there were apparently several bidders, that there is much profit to be made by this purchase, and those of us who did not bid, and did not pick up on this new trend in economics, have lost an investment opportunity. Sarah Palin might say that we had missed out real traditonal American values.

While it may be that holding a federal Senate seat in Illinois is financially akin to managing a Wall Street hedge fund, this angle and aspect of political fund raising had never occurred to me. Where have I been, all my life? (gratefully, not in Illinois, for most of it).

So here is the question you must answer, if we are to truly understand the dynamics of this affair: (frankly I am dumbfounded that Krugman or Reich or Freidman or Paulson or Geithner haven't yet asked this or set forth an equation):

Part one: How much does one actually pay for an Illinois Senate seat? We really do need a dollar amount or the number of first-borns one must pledge.

Part two: In order to determine the fair market value (like hog belly futures... they do that in Chicago, as well) one must be able to calculate, well in advance, the ROI (that's "Return on Investment" for those of you who flunked Econ 101 at Wharton) of said Illinois Senate seat, as well as be able to know how long it will take to achieve that ROI.

While this mathematical challenge has me completely stumped, clearly good ole' Blago and at least five other bidders had it figured out, otherwise the potential transaction would not have made it this far. And I am amazed that the Chicago Tribune has not had a bevy of economists at U of I working on it.

As far as holding one of the Senate seats is concerned, the must be "gold in them thar hills" and most of us have been too stupid to look there. Blago is to be commended for keeping the faith and holding the tradition high, for all to see. Perhaps it will get his picture on the new license plates they stamp out at the prison he will attend. Who knows. All fame has a price.

But I want the equation for future use. If the ROI is that good, I could become a traditionalist, real quick.